BORIS FOR MAYOR

Pantomime performers across the country woke up this morning to the news that Boris Johnson is to audition for the part of Dick Whittington and stand as London Mayor. Mr Johnson, whose previous experience includes being both the front and back ends of a pantomime horse, issued his manifesto and called for London’s streets to be paved with gold, employ more cats to kill mice and rats and ring the Bow Bells more often. Distracted by calls of “behind you, behind you”, Boris went on to promise that under his direction, London would become the “Papua New Guinea” of the modern world.

FULL CANDIDATE ROSTER

BORIS “DICK WHITTINGTON” JOHNSON – CONSERVATIVE PARTY

WIDOW TWANKY – LABOUR PARTY

CINDERELLA – LIBERAL DEMOCRATS

JOLLY GREEN GIANT – GREEN PARTY

ALADDIN (WHITE) – BNP