BLAIRS MIDDLE EAST ENVOY CV

Rise Like Lions has managed to obtain a copy of Blair’s “Middle Eastern Envoy Job Application Form” and some of it makes interesting reading.

RELEVANT EXPERIENCE/ATTRIBUTES

Bombed Iraq

Sold arms to Israel

Well known in Iran

Doesn’t like pork

Likes Kebabs

My wife should wear a Burka but wont

Prepared to convert to any religion

Sense of Humour

KNOWLEDGE OF MIDDLE EASTERN CUSTOMS

All Arab’s can be bribed, especially the Saudis

Pass wind after every meal, or have somebody else pass wind for you

They must play a lot of bingo as they all go to Mecca once a year

Camping is a national past time as most Arab’s live in tents

PREVIOUS JOBS

Guitar player, actor, international terrorist, President of the World

DO YOU HAVE A CRIMINAL RECORD

Not yet

REFERENCES

George Bush, Idiot.

Sadam Hussain, Dead.

FAVOURITE MIDDLE EASTERN JOKES

Newsflash: Dixons have had to close their stores in Afghanistan because of the telly ban.

Newsflash: Dyslexic troops have surrounded Marks and Spencers in Basra.
They'd been tipped off that Bed Linen was on the second floor

An Arab sees an old friend of his coming towards him. He notices that this friend has lots of stitches and bandages around one of his wrists, and as he gets within earshot, he says "I see you won your appeal".