WOE IS ME!

If Andrew Alderson in today’s Sunday Telegraph is to be believed, we should all get out our hankies and start weeping for Tony Blair, such is the poor man’s financial and personal plight.

Here is a list of Tony’s woes;

1. He will have nowhere to live when he leaves Downing Street
2. He will have no job
3. He is worried about being prosecuted for was crimes in Iraq
4. He doesn’t know whether to go to a champagne reception for Lord Levy’s retirement as an advisor.
5. He feels bereft at loosing power.
6. He is worried about being prosecuted over the “cash for honours” scandal.
7. He has no income from full time employment.
8. He is worried about his security.

Worry, worry, worry! Will somebody please pass the sick bag!

To be fair to Alderson, he does present some contradictory evidence to this sorry case of self-pity, but not with enough force to portray the Blair’s as the bunch of whinging money grabbing socialites that they really are. Lets set the record straight and put the hankies back in the draw for a more worthy cause.

1. With a Westminster Georgian mansion and a “mews” attached to it, 2 flats in Bristol and a not inconsiderable constituency home in Sedgefield, the Blair’s are far from homeless. Valuations for his properties exceed £8 million, with equity in the region of £2 million, which hardly spells out a life in the old cardboard city.
2. His links with Clinton’s peace foundation have already secured £100,000 speech tours of America (that’s £100k per talk mind you, not per tour) which is pretty good income by any standards.
3. A book deal is envisaged to be on the table for £8 million, a not inconsiderable return for a ten year job.
4. As for being prosecuted for misdemeanours, the cash for scandals episode is the most likely, but as a prosecution witness, he’s at least in the clear. As for Iraq, the international stakes are to high and to embarrassing for any court case to emerge.
5. Whilst there are many people who would love to punch Tony squarely on the nose, his safety is relatively secure. The matter of £65,000 worth of security CCTV etc at his Sedgefield home and the plethora of measures planned for his London shack should make him pretty safe (and not make a dint in his bank balance because the tax payer will foot the bill). Perhaps Tony Blair should cast his mind back to Margaret Thatcher’s departure at the height of the IRA’s mainland bombing campaign. The last I heard she was in pretty good health!
6. Finally, with a pension of £117500 topped up by a public sector allowance of £90000 for office support, the Blair’s will never starve.

With friends who never charge for foreign holidays, and with the likes of even John Prescott being able to find employment as a special business envoy, I can’t see either of the Blair’s having to sign on the dole with the rest of the common people. As for being bored Tony; why not get yourself an allotment and go “green”, or better still, spend a bit of time searching your conscience.