Opposition MP’s demanded a full public enquiry when it emerged that a toilet roll salesman had walked into Scotland Yard claiming that he had just signed a government contract but had been offered “no bribes what so ever!”. Mr Thomas Andrex, Chief Sale’s Manager for the company made the following statement to Inspector McBribe, the Yard’s Contractual Bribes Squad head.
“My company has just signed a contract to supply the Ministry of Defence with the state of the art “Euro Three Ply” toilet roll, impregnated with the latest anti haemorrhoid cream and with a curry tolerant membrane. At no time was I offered any form of financial inducement and not once has money been transferred to my off shore bank account via the Saudi Embassy. Frankly, I am ashamed that British business practise has reached such a level of moral advancement and accountability. We are letting ourselves down, and incorrectly letting foreign governments know that we are honest individuals who cannot be bought for thirty pieces of silver”.
A spokes man for the Ministry confirmed that a large consignment of toilet paper had been ordered due to the amount of s**t the department had to deal with under Des Browne. It also refused to reveal the colour or texture of the paper, as this would “generate the consequences we do not want to generate”.
Through the use of the Freedom of Information Act we can reveal the paper is “floral cyan”, three ply width and made from recycled glass.
ORIGINAL STORY
No comments:
Post a Comment