SAM ALLARDYCE DENIES TEAM IS MADE UP OF THUGS

Newcastle United manager Sam Allardyce has been forced onto the back foot today when he had to deny that his team was made up of thugs. Parading his new signing Joey Barton at the clubs “Franklin Jail” training ground, Big Sam played down reports that he building a team worthy of the famous United squad of the early seventies, nicknamed the “Wormwood Scrubs Boys” by the press. “This is a hard league and we need hard men…. plus burglars, safe crackers and doormen”. Defending Barton, Allardyce said that the fee involved meant he had got a bargain, “All we had to pay was his bail money”.

Later that day, Big Sam’s assistant, Terry “Hacksaw” McDermott, spoke to Prison Radio Cleveland from his cell in E Wing, Durham Jail. “I am pleased to announce that the club have had bids excepted for the following players and they should be ready for a photocall in the famous club colours of black and white stripes as soon as Securicor can get them here”.

LIST IN FULL

1. Reggie Kray – left back

2. Ronald Kray – right back

3. Peter Sutcliffe – centre forward

4. Rose West – goal keeper

5. Jimmy Cagney – second slip

6. Fletcher – kit man

7. Godber – pretty boy

Mr Mackay and Mr Barraclough have been appointed to the back room staff.