WIFE THOUGHT HUSBAND WAS “JUST A CHANCELLOR”
A British housewife who married a mafia boss told today how she was totally unaware that her husband was a crooked gangland member. “I had no idea at all,” said Sarah Brown, 43, wife of Chancellor and future PM Gordon Brown. “When the police approached me with this news I was horrified. According to them, Gordon has been stealing of taxpayers, businesses and pensioners via their pension funds. None of this money has been used for the purpose he claimed, with millions being laundered via his other gang members in the Commons, with second homes, lavish dinners and quad bikes all being proceeds of his criminal ways.”
Police investigations have revealed that Gordon “Hacksaw” Brown has been using the Treasury as a front to make millions of pounds through his spurious cash schemes. Inspector McBribe of the Serious Cash Squad spoke from outside police headquarters, “The Policeman’s Hat” public house in Hackney;
“Our extremely long and time consuming ten minute investigation has shown that Gordon Brown is not in fact an MP but a scheming gang land boss and major money launderer. As head of the notorious gang the “Labour Party”, he worked out of one of London’s hardest urban areas, the “Commons”. Not only was he an extremely dangerous man with a cheque book, but he hoodwinked millions of people into believing he was using their money for the NHS and education services, when in reality he was giving it to his friends in the form of expenses, salaries and tax breaks.”
Under new anti criminal legislation, McBribe has been able to seize some of Brown’s ill-gotten gains. Gang member’s known as “MP’s” have had assets taken from them by the courts. Police now have in their possession 600 second homes, 500 quad bikes and six freezers full of smoked salmon, caviar and roast partridge, plus a tonne of tripe belonging to Dennis Skinner.
Several of Browns gangland cohorts still remain at large. Ed “Acid” Balls, Hilary “Knuckleduster” Benn, Jack “The Hat” Straw and Ruth “Tinker” Turner all face charges ranging from incompetence to lying in public. John “Soft Boy” Reid is believed to have supplied information leading to Browns trial and downfall, and as such he has had to enter the witness protection scheme, living at 14 Thomas Avenue, Peckham, under the name of Tommy McSnitch.
Pronouncing sentence on Brown, Judge Hangemup said, “You are an extremely dangerous and clever man, a compulsive liar with delusions of grandeur and power. You are a danger to the public, pension funds and the nation’s finances. I sentence you to one term as Prime Minister.”
Brown is expected to survive at least 3 years in office, with more added on if he can fool the probation review and public.
No comments:
Post a Comment