Linda Waggott, that well known professional touring councillor, has a thank you letter printed in today’s Shields Gazette. However, this was not Lynda’s first version, and we are happy to print the original draft below.
“Dear Peasants
I would like to thank the people of Bede/Fellgate/Whitburn/Horsley Hill (delete as appropriate) who finally elected me as their representative. You may rest assured, that no matter what part of whatever ward I represent, you will never see me as I have far better things to do.
I will be holding weekly advice surgeries every 6th Wednesday of the month between the times 6.00 p.m. and 6.01 p.m. Please wash before turning up. No trainers/jeans/curlers/tattoos/sheep.
I would like to thank and pay tribute to my agent Coco Chanel, my hairdresser Vidal Sassoon and my outfitter Le Poundstretcher of Fowler Street. Their tireless hard work, help and crawling will not go unrewarded when the paying sub committee chair positions are dished out this week.
You may rest assured that during my tenure as your councillor I will address the issues that really matter; colour coordinated toilet paper in the chamber, councillor’s allowances and expenses, the provision of proper silk napkins in the member’s canteen and the establishment of as many European Community freebie trips abroad as possible. These are the issues which really concern councillors, and I shall fight my hardest to protect them from you, sorry, for you.”
I don’t like the idea of would be councillors trawling wards trying to find somebody who will elect them. However, Mrs Waggott has been voted in via a democratic procedure, so this is the last time I shall satirically cover her tenure……unless of course, she gives me reason to do so again!
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