WHO’S NOT A PRETTY BOY THEN?

Freddy Shepherd, Newcastle United’s Chairman, was quick to point out today that new manager Sam Allerdyce had not been brought to the club to make Peter Beardsley look pretty. Speaking from his scrap yard, St James Park, Shepherd said “Over the last few seasons many fans have accused us of playing ugly football. I now want staff to reflect that image”. Allerdyce, whose previous jobs have included frightening children in prams, a stunt man for Shrek and as warning to teenagers about chewing wasps, said that as far as he was concerned, he would be staying at Newcastle “at least till Halloween when unfortunately I often receive better offers”.

Peter Beardsley does not wear a mask.