MILIBAND LAUNCHES CAMPAIGN TO TACKLE INCREASING LEVELS OF RUBBISH

David Miliband, Minister for Wheelie Bins, today launched a stinging attack against the levels of rubbish in the country as a whole, something which he thinks has reached unprecedented levels. “The number of programmes which are broadcast on our TV screens that are completely rubbish is astounding” he said while browsing this weeks “TV Quick”. Visibly sick and looking green around the gills, Miliband added “I have never seen such unadulterated sewerage in my life. These programmes are flowing into people’s homes without being treated, polluting their living rooms and leaving a vile odour.” Using East Enders as an example, a programme which should be filmed in grey, the Minister highlighted how after each episode the programme left a massive carbon footprint on his brain. When it was pointed out that this was in fact a boot mark from Grant Mitchell’s Doctor Martins, David quickly changed over channels to watch “Emmerdale” and an episode about manure.

Milibands new eco friendly TV policy involves gathering all the rubbish programmes currently shown on TV, putting them into coloured bins and either burning them to make wind for turbines or send them to the French.

The BBC were quick to defend their production output. Lord Duke Marmalade Huskey, the current Director General, said “Here at the BBC we operate a policy of 100% reusability. All our programmes are recycled, with some of our repeats being over 30 years old. Ideas are constantly reused as well, and we haven’t had an original thought since Fawlty Towers. Thinking leaves a massive carbon foot print don’t you know”.

ITV was also equally defensive. “When no longer needed, all our Coronation Street” scripts are reused as toilet paper. We have even scrapped a plan to revamp Ken Barlow due to the level of carbon points needed to paint strip him down”.

Whilst no viewers could be found, Channel 5 or “Channel Merde” as it is known in eco circles, has all its programmes made from the piles of recyclable rubbish that comes out of Miliband’s Ministry.

ITV2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11, BBC3, BBC4, CBBC, CHARVA CENTRAL, ASBO TONIGHT,MTAS1, HIPS ¾ BEDROOMS AND THE MINISTRY OF JUSTICE IN HD etc, were all unavailable for broadcast.

ORIGINAL ARCTICLE: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/6685409.stm