STOP PRESS:BREAKING NEWS

Reuters are reporting the following election items on their news wire service this afternoon;

WILD AND DANGEROUS COUNCILLOR REPORTED ON THE PROWL IN BOLDON COLLIERY

Police marksman have been called to Boldon Colliery after Linda Waggot was reportedly seen prowling in the ward. Mrs Waggot, who goes by the gang name of “The Wag”, has been described by the police as extremely “opportunist” and should not be approached by voters, election officials or canvassers. Chief Inspector McBribe of the Serial Councillor Squad played down rumours that “The Wag” was out hunting votes. “Linda is often seen at election times in different wards up and down the Borough. Like any other wild councillor she gets hungry and goes of in search of a meal ticket. Last year there were reports that she had been seen in the Bede Ward, but our officers could find no evidence of her presence there at all. However, in the unlikely scenario that Linda has actually seen fit to venture into the ward, we would encourage Labour voters not to approach her with any issues, as she can be extremely dismissive.” Accused of not being prepared for The Wag, McBribe said that he had officers deployed in all wards at election times as she was capable of appearing in any area at any time, regardless of where she lived. “Our intelligence network tells us that if Linda fails to catch any votes in Boldon Colliery, she will be seen in the Fellgate and Hedworth Ward next year”

A spokes person for the Town Hall, the councillor sanctuary where Linda spends a lot of her time said “This year Mrs Waggot is hoping to get more votes than her shoe size.” Linda takes a size 4 (small).