OPENING OF SOUTH TYNESIDE PALACE

Local news has also been a bit thin on the ground. South Tyneside Council met for the first time since the regional elections, with the traditional “opening of the bar” ceremony once again being packed out. The traditional and long held practise involves councillors working out how many pints they can buy with another year’s allowances and expenses. Whoever is left standing at the bar when final orders are called is normally made head of the council. This year saw the return of the Pearly Queen of Boldon and music hall favourite “Lady Waggott”. Linda, wife of Council leader Lord Paul of Waggsville, wooed the crowd with a rendition of Abba’s “Money Money Money”.

Lord Paul, currently embroiled in the “cash for who actually runs this council” scandal, was unavailable for comment as Irene Lucas needed her shoes polishing.